What Your Favorite LaCroix Flavor Says About You

So, according to my calculations (and Wikipedia) LaCroix was made as a down-to-earth alternative to the “snobbish” Perrier. I’m pretty sure calling it LaCroix was their first mistake in trying to establish an accessible brand, mainly because LaCroix is the only word I have in my French vocabulary besides fromage. Cue DJ Khaled, because LaCroix really played themselves. Just like your alcoholic drink of choice tells me everything I need to know about you and more, so does your favorite LaCroix flavor. These personality predictions are 100% true and backed by science, and by science I mean I DM’d Bill Nye on Twitter to get his seal of approval and he hasn’t responded. Drink on, betches!

Pure

The Zodiac Killer is your role model. Your favorite pastime is sipping on an ice cold can of Pure LaCroix after murdering every blonde girl in your sorority. You use your iPhone without a case because you are truly disturbed and have nothing to lose.

Coconut

You take your shoes and socks off on flights and clap when the plane lands. Your go-to workout shirt says “Your workout is my warmup,” and you call Gatorade flavors by their real name. Probably a cop.

Lemon/Lime

You never forget a birthday and check in with your grandparents on a semi-regular basis. You won’t sign me into that 8am no matter how many times I offer to Venmo you $10. NARC.

Tangerine

Whoever said tangerine is the new orange was seriously disturbed.

Orange/Cran-Raspberry

You’re not totally sure how to pronounce La Croix but can definitely vouch for “how pretty the cans are”. You were raised in a household of Polar Seltzer and are scared to try different flavors cause, idk, they might kill you or something.

NiCola

I get that you’re embarrassed to drink soda in public, but I think getting caught with a can of NiCola is arguably worse. I’m impressed that LaCroix was able to bottle the exact taste of a McDonald’s fountain Diet Coke that’s been sitting in a hot car for 5 hours. 

Cerise Limón Cúrate

If I hear you talking about your semester in Barthelona one more time, I am going to call the cops.

Passionfruit

The Snapchat feed is your main source for world news, and you’re still praying that Drake will answer your DMs. Maybe start wearing less and going out more?

Berry

You are constantly having an existential crisis because Mercury is in retrograde. And no, don’t get bangs.

Peach-Pear

One time you lost ‘Odds Are’ and had to drink bong water, and uh, actually kind of liked it.

Pamplemousse

If you were a character in you would definitely be a part of The Finer Things Club. Conor Kennedy tried grinding on you once, but you willfully declined because you didn’t want Taylor Swift’s sloppy seconds. 

Apricot

Ah, pamplemousse’s annoying vegan cousin. You watched once and won’t shut up about it. Seriously, stop. No one likes the bitch at brunch who makes a hangover worse by scolding others for getting eggs benny. Let me and my hollandaise sauce be.

 

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