How To Get Skinny By Halloween Without Going On A Crash Diet

Whether you’ve been planning your Halloween costume since last November or you’re just planning on buying a random sexy nurse costume last minute, you want to look your best by the time you find yourself hooking up with some guy in an Angry Bird costume. Like, people haven’t seen your bod since your Fourth of July blackout, and chances are, no one’s seeing it again until Memorial Day 2018. If you’ve already gotten a head start on your tragic winter body, it’s not too late to look skinny in time for your Halloween plans. There’s no need for an extreme juice cleanse right now, but if you need a last minute slim-down, here’s what you should be doing.

1. Take A Dairy Break

You might not be specifically lactose intolerant, but according to science, most people have some sort of digestive issue with dairy, which often leads to bloating and stomach pain. If you’ve never tried going dairy-free before, try doing it for the next week or two and see if your stomach looks any flatter by Halloween. You may not notice a difference after a couple days, but eliminating dairy from your diet could be a game changer for your Superwoman crop top. I mean, that thing is just very cropped. We’ll do what we can.

2. Eat Tons Of Omega-3’s

Omega-3 fatty acids are nutritional powerhouses and do wonders for your body. They have been proven to reduce hunger and appetite and also help your body burn fat throughout the day. Omega-3’s are found in salmon, walnuts, and flax seeds, but if you don’t have time to stock up on these foods, they also come in supplement form. Omega-3’s are some of those “healthy fats” you’ve been hearing about from your nutritionist, and it’s time to start consuming them if you want your metabolism to move faster and your appetite to be a little more tamed than its usual Vegas unlimited buffet-style mood. Just saying.

3. Make Ginger & Peppermint Tea

A cup of tea isn’t gonna combat your entire day’s worth of oily foods and extreme laziness, but honestly it makes a difference on your digestive system and it’ll make you wake up looking much less bloated and puffy. Ginger and peppermint, specifically, are two ingredients that have been proven to ease the stomach and de-bloat your body, so make a cup after dinner and start chugging. There’s a reason Gwyneth Paltrow drinks a cup of ginger tea before bed. It’s not because she’s getting sponsored by Teavana.

4. Break Up With Artificial Sweeteners

Let’s put it this way. If the ingredients in your food sound like a science project you want to pay another student to do for you, they’re probably not good for you. Low-calorie foods and drinks are loaded with fake sugars and chemicals to make them low-calorie, but this dieting technique will ultimately end up working against you. Aside from the fact that these sweeteners are rough on your stomach and cause bloating, they trigger your brain to actually crave more sweets later on, which will be harder to resist because you’ll be legit starving. And let’s be real, you might be sipping Diet Coke all morning, but you’ll end up caving when you see a bowl of M&M’s on your co-workers desk at 3pm. Skip the Splenda this week.  

5. Eliminate Your Alcohol Intake Now

You’re gonna be getting incredibly wasted on Halloween, so why don’t we save ourselves all the unnecessary alcohol calories now and get our tolerances to a level where we can get sufficiently drunk after a couple shots? Think about it. Every time you get drunk, you’re consuming a shit ton of calories, probably bingeing on pizza at the end of the night, and getting your body used to the amount you’re drinking. Logically, if you cut down for the next week or two, you’re actually setting yourself up for a better Halloween night. It’s basic math. You can do this.

6. Cook—Just Do It

Don’t get me wrong. When the Postmates guy rings my doorbell exactly 30 minutes after I ordered my food, he’s a fucking hero and I feel blessed to live in this technologically beautiful time in history. HOWEVER, restaurant food doesn’t compare to a home-cooked meal if you’re trying to be healthy. Even if you’re ordering the salad or the veggie sides on every menu, you never know how much butter, oil, or sauces are going into your food, and those ingredients alone could pack on hundreds of extra calories. Try cooking your own food until Halloween and it’ll make a huge difference. I know it’s time-consuming, but you’re not drinking right now anyway, so you can totally skip happy hour to make yourself some grilled chicken and broccoli for dinner. I mean, you’re basically Julia Child. Minus all the butter. 

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